I have a problem and while it's somewhat
under control, the temptation to go wild
is always there. You see, for years I've
been having an affair. It all started quite
innocently. I was looking for something
more and suddenly all of my wants were
fulfilled. While my love for Frank only
grows deeper and stronger as the years
go on, I still stray off occasionally. You
see, the elixir of intrigue and passion is
quite intoxicating. Hence whenever I
need some satisfaction, I tend to stray
right back to that place I shouldn't go to.
Can one ever have too much? Sadly
my wants can never be fulfilled by
one man alone. What could be more
tempting than having thousands of
other men (and if necessary women)
ready to give me whatever I want...
whenever I want it? Sadly this man
is not strong enough to resist. Try as
I might, indulgence is my greatest of
carnal sins. I simply can't get enough
and when someone has what I want,
I throw all caution to the wind. Like
it or not, I'm addicted to love!
As you've probably figured out by
now, my secret lover is e-bay. After
a chance encounter many years ago,
our relationship has grown stronger
as the years go by. Initially it was
nurtured by a love for the unique.
Whatever floats your boat, it's on
e-bay! Next my desire was fueled
by value. I always get more for less
on e-bay. Finally easy access helps
satisfy any temptation. What could
be more exciting than putting your
hands on a UPS man's package?
When one lives in a fairly isolated area,
your options for pleasure are limited.
Hence my occasional need to search
for something on the wild side. Were
it not for e-bay, I would struggle to
find what is essential for my happiness
close to home. And while I may have
flirted with Amazon, my heart beats
fast whenever I call up e-bay. Upon
being paid in full, they always do their
best to ensure that I'm fully satisfied.
Call me a fool but once you've had
the best, why go anywhere else?
At times I've tried to stop the madness.
While it seems that I've weaned myself
off of that opium known as "china" -
the fact is I often crave the out of the
ordinary. Whether knobs or lotions or
all sorts of enhancements, chances are
it's all waiting for me on e-bay. At this
point my once hidden addiction is no
longer a secret. Unashamed, I boldly
accept love packages from strangers.
Proof that while my lips may attempt
to say no, my fingers continue to click
"BUY NOW!" I'm so ashamed...
Why am I torn between two lovers?
Frank absolutely satisfies my every
emotional and physical need. Yet
I still occasionally feel the need for
a little on the side that even he can't
provide. As long as my indulgences
don't drive us into bankruptcy, and
I keep Frank far from foam "peanuts"
I'm confident I can maintain both.
Now that I know how to sell via
e-bay, my cycle of consumption can
continue unfettered. After all, who
doesn't like a bit of in and out?