I occasionally post images of tables
I've set on this blog or my Facebook
page. What's fascinating is that soon
thereafter, I'm flooded with requests
for further insights and inspiration
on the art of entertaining. Now that
both Passover and Easter are almost
upon us, I thought I would share a
few simple and easy tips that may
help make your holidays even better.
The truth is it's fairly easy to set up
a successful dinner. Hopefully the
following will make you hoppy!
Times past I thought that setting a truly
proper table was the only way to make
your guests feel special. However since
living in Montana for almost a year I've
come to the conclusion that just about
anything goes. Who has the time to set
a table let alone clean up YOUR mess?
Hence I've given up all things fussy.
The easier the better. Rather than linens,
china, and crystal, why not rough it and
use disposable paper and plastic? After
all if one must entertain trash the least
one can do is throw their debris into it!
Flowers are simply a waste of money -
especially the real ones that only die!
If you must put something dead center
in your repast I suggest you consider
silk (actually polyester) posies. First
of all they last forever. Second, they're
washable. Finally they don't send out
any offensive scents to compete with
whatever you're serving. Even better,
forget flowers and simply fill the space
with a crock pot or two. If everybody
helps themselves - less work for you!
Better yet, why not go out instead?!
Whatever you serve, make sure it
includes lots of alcohol. Nothing
makes a poorly cooked meal go
down easier than lots of liquid
lubrication. The fact is that if one
is not highly medicated it's going
to be rather challenging to survive
the holidays. All involved will be
happier if you're happy... really
happy! I doubt those few more
martini's will hurt anyone but you.
So share your brew with the brood.
The family that drinks together...
While we're on the subject of making
it easier for yourself - why cook at all?
Today we have a myriad of amazing
pre-cooked and pre-packaged options
for almost any dinner. So rather than
roast a ham, buy a pound or two of
pre-sliced deli ham. Not only does it
save you the bother of baking, it's also
virtually fat free so that's must be sort
of healthy! Zap some mac and cheese
in the microwave and if you must one
or two packages of veggies and soon
dinner is served. It's a holiday isn't it?
Sometimes wrangling unruly family
members can be harder than herding
cats. That's why I suggest you NOT
invite anyone over who irritates you.
Listen, you've worked a long week
and the last thing you need to bother
with a nasty cousin or Aunt. There's
still time to mail them a Passover or
Easter card with a gift certificate to
McDonald's enclosed. Add a note
that says you're on a cruise for the
next two weeks. They'll get the hint.
And if they don't, who really cares?
As far as my Jewish buddies are
concerned - isn't it time that you
gave up those archaic traditions?
Why leave the leaven to others?
Push the limit and serve a ham
smothered in bacon and wrapped
in puff pastry. Pair that with a big
layer cake and watch your family
enjoy the holidays more than ever
before! Surely God has a sense of
humor so at least in theory - even
after the leaven... chance are that
you're still goin' to heaven!
Could it be that I've finally got my
priorities in the right place? Damn
everyone else - now it's all about me.
After years of hiding your eggs, this
bunny plans to keep his eggs in his
basket! The truth is nobody enjoys
coming over to your house. So why
persist in torturing them? Go ahead
and give yourself (and them) a break.
Pop something in the microwave
and then watch your favorite DVD
solo. And please, don't get dressed
up. Nobody cares what you wear.
For more entertaining tips, read tomorrow's blog.
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY.