Time flies when you're having fun.
The last week has been a time to
restore and renew. Spending time
with two of my children on their
own turf was more than wonderful.
Each has built a life of their own as
all of us have. As we've grown up -
it's fascinating how most of our
historic parent/child barriers have
vanished. Frankly, it's rather nice
being treated like a human being
rather than a parent. I really wish
I didn't have to fly away so soon!
We all make mistakes however as the
parents of young children, we've no
idea of the longterm impact of said
missteps. For years I've tried to help
my kids deal with the residual anger,
angst, and apprehension caused by
a rather tumultuous childhood. Some
have embraced their father for who
he really is while others have moved
on. In a way all of us have come to
a place where we're comfortable
with who we are. Hence we now
embrace the other within that reality.
My parents are long gone. Hence
all turmoil related to our dynamic
is but a regretful memory. We all
loved each other dearly and as
long as I'm alive - their love will
always be a part of me. A parent's
legacy is that no matter what,
their child was loved. However
I've learned that unconditional
love requires a candor that may
be the hardest part of parenting.
If you truly love someone, how
could you not tell them the truth?
Now that we're all adults - it's much
easier. I now appreciate my children
for who they are. People talk of how
wonderful it is to be a grandparent -
"no responsibilities!" However I've
come to enjoy the freedom of being
the parent of adults. Finally their
problems are not my problems and
"To each his own" literally! How
they live their lives is no longer any
of my business. But rest assured
that I'm ready and willing to offer
plenty of help or advice if asked.
Does this mean that I don't care? It's
simply confirmation that my work is
finished. It's time for them to assume
responsibility. The best part of said
shift of power is that I now see my
children for who they really are. My
sons and daughters are grown men
and women. Seeing them in action
is a fascinating phenomena. In part
because they've always been who
they are today. I've simply stopped
trying to force them to be something
or someone they're not.
That's the best part of being a parent -
letting go. Parenthood begins with a
helpless human being thrust into your
care. The responsibility of guiding a
child towards adulthood requires both
strength and resolve. Then suddenly,
they pull away from you. They resist,
rebel, and remove themselves from
your control. Said process usually
doesn't bring out the best in most
of us. However once it's over, we're
all the better for it. And in hindsight -
it was all more than worth the effort.
