Being the parent of adult children can be
a bit confusing. These creatures that one
created evolve into people with wills of
their own. Meaning that while one may
dream of them frozen in time at a tender
young age, the individual now arguing
with you has aged, become rather smart,
and even more opinionated. This week my
eldest daughter is visiting. "E" has always
been a unique and over the top young lady.
And before any of you remind me of the
"apple falling from the tree" analogy - I've
no doubt she's all mine. THANK GOD!
It's quite a wonderful experience to view
one's offspring performing their role as
parents. "E" is more than adept at all of
the key aspects of parenting. In fact she's
a much better parent than I ever was. "E"
carefully guides her daughter's education.
Plus she's makes sure that my dear grand
daughter "M" has impeccable manners
and a kind spirit. Hence it's been rather
easy to be amazed at the woman that my
child has become. Most important I do
my best to make sure that "E" knows
how proud I am of the woman she is.
Slowly we've become friends which has
altered the parent/child dynamic.When all
else fails, drinking helps break down any
remaining barriers. After a few both of us
are able to ask the other almost anything.
The result being truth or dare interactions
that invariably lead to illumination. Slowly
we father and daughter have connected the
other's dots post hearing how things felt
from the other's perspective. And at least
in our case - "E" and I continue to grow
closer with age. Even if we don't always
like each other - we're on the same team!
What I often find most amazing is what
"E" remembers versus my recollection
of events. She still has vivid memories
of people, places, and times past that I'd
long since forgotten. However when our
remembrances of times past happen to
align, hers come from the perspective
of a child frozen in time. Yesterday we
discussed a sad family event involving a
Christmas tree. This time, her recantation
of the events helped me put two and two
together. Thus going backward enabled
us to both move on to a much better place.
At times we've parted ways or taken detours
along life's path. Yet somehow we always
end up in the same place. As my first born
"E" has played an integral role in my learning
curve. Most of the time my naiveté led to a
plethora of misguided theories, practices, and
opinions. However more often than not, I was
wrong... not right. Thus over the years my
daughter has taught me many lessons that
today I cherish. The truth is that neither of us
are perfect. But finally we know that we're
somehow always good for each other. If and
when the other is willing to listen of course...
