I grew up in a world without any air
conditioning. My parents eschewed
the concept of a mechanically cooled
environment. Rather they preferred
to sit, stew, and steam. Summers in
the city are not exactly pleasant. The
humidity alone can drown one in their
own sweat. Even after moving down
to the tidewaters of Virginia, they
opted to rarely turn on a cooling aid.
Instead Ethel would balmily bask on
her screened porch purring "Feel that
breeze? Isn't it beautiful out here?"
Frankly, I never saw Mother sweat.
Ladies of her vintage and breeding
simply didn't perspire. No matter
the temperature Ethel would sit in
stately serenity never looking even
slightly dewy. I truly envy people
who can maintain a cool, calm, and
collected demeanor in defiance to
whatever the thermometer reads.
Do they have an inner thermostat?
Given my hot flashes, mine has
ceased functioning. Can anything
cure my "MAN-OH-PAUSE?!"
Over the years after I left my parent's
home I quickly came to rely on those
blasts of freon that only mechanized
magic can deliver. Sizzling summers
in Chicago, Columbus, Minneapolis,
and Manhattan were merciless at times.
The humidity alone was overwhelming!
Hence air conditioning was more than
simply a desirable indulgence. While
living in Dallas, air conditioning could
only be described as a survival tool!
Many days I never left a controlled
climate and that was just fine with me!
Whatever we can't have, we crave.
The first time I visited Beverly Hills,
I was shocked to see women sporting
sables as they shopped within the
crispy climes of Rodeo Drive shops.
In Dallas everyone seemed to keep
their thermostats hovering around
sixty degrees. Hence my need to
wear cashmere by day and sleep
under a down comforter while the
temperature outside sat at over one
hundred Fahrenheit. Is the ultimate
luxury freezing your ass off!
As a boy my family escaped the heat
in New England where our summer
sojourns were always quite cool. Who
wouldn't enjoy mid day temperatures
in the low eighties and night time lows
in the forties? All with virtually NO
humidity. Now my summers are just
the same here in Montana. With few
exceptions our dog days of summer
are perfectly glorious. And even with
global warming many a night requires
one don a sweater on your shoulder or
a blanket on your bed. Isn't it divine?
In Montana, air conditioning is
a rarity. No matter the warming
trend - there's rarely reason to
dial it down. We still embrace
the rituals of our youth sleeping
with the windows open wide.
Post years being entombed in
air conditioned hi-rises, we had
to adjust to reality. Now once
awake our house is immediately
shut up to keep the cool air in.
Remarkably, our house stays
cool without using any voltage!
Our century old home was designed to
maximize cross ventilation. Now once
again we've rediscovered that there os
nothing more glorious that luxuriating
in the comfort of one's home while you
enjoy a gentle summer breeze. Which
I consider more civilized than exposing
my lungs to a steady stream of iced man
made air. Am I channeling my inner
Ethel or is my body enjoying the joy of
being fully oxygenated? Now that I've
turned off the air conditioning, it seems
that I'm finally able to CHILL OUT!
I'm not totally nuts. On the occasional
day when our temperatures soar above
ninety, I appreciate the benefits derived
from our portable air conditioners. As
I sit and chill, I find myself dreaming
of opening my windows once again.
For this former urbanite, going with
the natural flow makes me feel like
I'm communing with Mother Nature.
And while I hate to admit it, the basic
act of breathing in real air makes me
feel alive. It seems that once again my
Mother was right as always! DAMN!
