I can't decide whether I'm happy, complacent,
or comatose. Like it or not I like wherever I'm
at. Rarely do I yearn for more. Nor anything
different from whatever is my "ordinary" as of
here and now. Even in my darkest times I have
been able to somehow find my sweet spot. The
only difference being when, where, or whatever
said destination may be. However it bothers me
is that little seems to bother me. Which has me
wondering if I'm boring, flawed, or numb. Why
don't I want more? Why can't I be dissatisfied?
What causes me to be willing to not embrace
the status quo and actually enjoy it?
Some if not all of us crave change. That along
with turmoil, angst, and drama fuel our daily
existence. Others have wanderlust. Meaning
that they'd prefer to be any place except here.
Some feel trapped. Prisoners by choice of their
existence. And finally quite a few of us never
seem to be happy. No matter the circumstances.
So how did a rather jaded man transform into
a beaming Pollyanna? The answer is years of
trial and tribulations. Along with a few wins
along the way. Rather than let bad times drag
me down, I consider them as great lessons. I
don't know what I don't know until it happens.
If nothing else the process of winning and
losing has forced me to focus on the here
and now. Helping me to discover that life's
simple pleasures are better than nothing.
Given any of us could drop dead tomorrow,
it's the little things that count. So rather than
worry about the fate of mankind, I focus on
what I'm going to make for supper. Instead
of trying to please everyone, I try to limit my
sphere of influence. And somehow all of that
creates a peace that passeth understanding. Is
such passivity a sign of defeat? Or a badge of
victory? Have I found a winning proposition?
One of the few blessings of aging is that it helps
one prioritize. Much of what consumes us in our
youth is of little consequence. Hence the older
one gets, the more focused their world view. As
one's time here on earth becomes more limited,
most of us edit out the unnecessary. Superfluous
silliness that doesn't add up to anything. Along
with embracing the reality that few if any of us
can control much more than ourselves. Once you
reach that plateau, said safe haven becomes the
stuff that dreams are made of. That is unless your
dream is in actually your better half's nightmare.
How can two people land in the same place?
Relationships are a balancing act. One where
each half counters the other. However we all
grow differently on divergent timelines. Thus
at times chances are that one may have to drag
the other to a better place. The question being
who gets to lead the team. Along with where
or when? Is what's good for the goose always
best for the gander? Does one stay put or travel
the world? Should you gamble everything or
save for a rainy day? Push the envelope or hide
it in the safety deposit box? Ultimately we all
give into another. And still hope for the best.
Whatever that may be...